It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
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I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
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THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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