I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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