you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
