i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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