her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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