haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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