Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
