I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
