Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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