Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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