I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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