youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
