it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
