I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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