I'm really into asian looking animals
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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