I haven't been this sober since birth.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
