Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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