Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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