She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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