Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
