I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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