Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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