i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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