I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
