we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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