He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
