my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
