i barfeds in our rink
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
