I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
