we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
