I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
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so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
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I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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