I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom