Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success