The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.