True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!