she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
