how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
