PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
