i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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