I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
