My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
