I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
