Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
