so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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