Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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