OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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