No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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