Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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