Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
