He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
