woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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