I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Ambien. No doubt about it.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
