i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
