Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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