just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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