I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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