I'm going to jail i love you
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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