So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
