what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
